I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
