Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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