Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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