your parents love me but you hate me
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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