Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
