just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
