your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
