Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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