Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
