wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize