Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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