i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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