we have officially lost it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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