somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Please, let me fuck your mom
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
