it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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