Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
