I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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