Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
