My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
