I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
