i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
