btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
