there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I love you. Go after that dick
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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