I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
