You made me cry and you don't even care
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
