I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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