Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
