At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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