I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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