you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
