my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
