He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
