my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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