she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
