We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
