I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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