Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
There are leaves in my underwear?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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