i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
