one two three fourrrrnication!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize