you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
