forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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