Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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