Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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