I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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