yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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