I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
