I skipped work to stalk him.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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