fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
