just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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