I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
