You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
