I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
