I'm gonna have a badass scar
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
