she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Everything about him screamed your future.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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