Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
