There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
