i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
