There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
