i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
