then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
