Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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